Bacon is Good for You
Expert Advice

Image: Creative Commons

You awaken from a glorious dream of an endlessly refilling plate of bacon with that savory aroma still lingering in your mind. Then, the real-world existence hits you. No bacon. Not yet. So many morning rituals to perform before breakfast. But wait. You need not be bereft of the comfort of bacon reminders to tide you over until you hit the kitchen. Afterall, bacon is good for you in all its many forms.

Pig in a Blanket. Well, more like you wrapped in the warmth of a duvet cover portraying a real image of perfectly crisped bacon. While you’re at it, get the same image on a fleece blanket for your couch and a throw pillow for that otherwise dull armchair. That will make the walk from your bacon-donned bedroom to the kitchen all the better.

Bristles. You’ve hit the cold light of your bathroom and still no bacon. Or is there? Grab that old, bristly toothbrush and slather on your bacon-flavored toothpaste. Just enough hint of that savory blessedness to tide you over til the real thing.

Turn around. With the ultimate miracle of clean teeth that still tastes of actual bacon, you turn to your shower and, behold, magnificent slices greet you from ceiling to floor. A shower curtain of bacon so real, you swear you can hear it sizzling. Switch out for a laugh instead, and get the Kevin Bacon image complete with bacon hairdo.

Sudsy goodness. With the post-brushing taste of bacon starting to fade, fear not. Step in your shower, turn to your soap rack, and pick up that piece of bacon. Yep. Your soap looks just like a real piece of rather thick, crispy bacon. Suds it up, and smell that enticing savory scent. The set comes with two pieces of bacon, and wait for it, a fried egg too. Complete breakfast—or torture—while you prep for the day. Or for those days when you’re looking to luxuriate, use your bacon-scented body wash imported from Wales.

And it continues. But that’s not all the lathering bacon fun in your shower. Just wet down your luscious locks and apply your shampoo laced with the scent of sweet and smokey applewood bacon. It even hydrates your deserving strands with argan oil. Who knows what that does, but it smells delicious and everyone will enjoy riding the elevator with you.

Never be without. So now you’re washed and primped and dressed for the day. Breakfast of bacon—and maybe something else if you’re in the mood—has been imbibed. Will you now be lost and baconless until lunch? No! Take that divine scent wherever you go with bacon air fresheners. Hang it in your car. Stash one in your purse or messenger bag or briefcase. Hide one in your desk drawer and slide that baby open now and then for a burst of bacon uplift. Whatever you need. Whenever you need it. That’s the way a bacon-powered day should be.  Afterall bacon is good for you all day long.

Tailgater Magazine